Recently, I've been so drained. Last week was a whirlwind of...I don't even know the right emotion-words. There was just a lot going on at school. My second observation (instructional), report cards, the stuff that goes along with report cards, parent-teacher conferences, AR, drills, PLCs, writing prompts,.... the list goes on. I'm not trying to sounds complain-y, but it's been a lot emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
I am really thankful to have found a great church here because I often times feel so beat up from the roller coaster of work and teaching adventures that go on throughout the week. Me feeling weak and insecure are just God's way of making himself stronger and more glorified.
This is the time in the year for new teachers in which they feel down-trodden, overly-tired than ever before, on the verge of jumping over the cliff, and just plain exhausted. Surely if you're an educator, you've seen this:
I am definitely in the "disillusionment" phase. I love my job, I love my kids, and I love the many hats a teacher wears. I wouldn't trade what I'm doing now for anything else in the world. I know God wants me to serve Him through teaching. With that said, last week was the hardest. I really felt like a robot moving in slow motion from one task to another. What a downer, right? I had a woe-is-me attitude to everything I did!
This morning I was reminded of how negative and static I've been. And I can find any excuse in the world to justify the negativity. Long hours at work. Finances. Missing old friends who have their own work to do. More long hours. The utter need for each one of my kids to succeed. Falling asleep with my eyes open at 8:00pm on a nightly basis. Yep, just plain negative Nancy. But that's not what I'm made for.
I can fill myself up with some oh-so-wonderful worldly things that would supposedly push the negativity aside, but it would just come back. Money, clothes, traveling, technology, games, media, the best lesson plans, friends, kids, food...
One of the women in my small group shared this wonderful analogy this morning via Beth Moore. Moore said that if we put all these items in a blender (those things I listed above), there would still be empty spaces and cracks in the blender that are not filled. Therefore, we are not satisfied. It is only when we add water that the blender is completely filled, and even the smallest cracks are no longer.
This analogy rocked my world. I needed that vivid reminder that only the Living Water can fulfill me. Although I feel alone at times going through the motions, I'm not. He's been there past, present, and future. Even when I screw up and try to put other things in the blender, it's never going to satisfy me like God does.
So as I get ready for another week, I know that whether I feel like the best third grade teacher or a complete disastrous failure by Friday, I still have a reason to celebrate. Celebrating not myself and what I can and cannot do. Rather, I have a reason to celebrate how He can fulfill everything in my life...even the tiniest gaps.
For those that know me well, I just realized I'm wearing my DNow 2011 shirt (hint: Living Water theme). When I began writing this blog post, I had no idea where I was taking this. Seems like He knew all along. :)
This morning I was reminded of how negative and static I've been. And I can find any excuse in the world to justify the negativity. Long hours at work. Finances. Missing old friends who have their own work to do. More long hours. The utter need for each one of my kids to succeed. Falling asleep with my eyes open at 8:00pm on a nightly basis. Yep, just plain negative Nancy. But that's not what I'm made for.
I can fill myself up with some oh-so-wonderful worldly things that would supposedly push the negativity aside, but it would just come back. Money, clothes, traveling, technology, games, media, the best lesson plans, friends, kids, food...
One of the women in my small group shared this wonderful analogy this morning via Beth Moore. Moore said that if we put all these items in a blender (those things I listed above), there would still be empty spaces and cracks in the blender that are not filled. Therefore, we are not satisfied. It is only when we add water that the blender is completely filled, and even the smallest cracks are no longer.
This analogy rocked my world. I needed that vivid reminder that only the Living Water can fulfill me. Although I feel alone at times going through the motions, I'm not. He's been there past, present, and future. Even when I screw up and try to put other things in the blender, it's never going to satisfy me like God does.
So as I get ready for another week, I know that whether I feel like the best third grade teacher or a complete disastrous failure by Friday, I still have a reason to celebrate. Celebrating not myself and what I can and cannot do. Rather, I have a reason to celebrate how He can fulfill everything in my life...even the tiniest gaps.
For those that know me well, I just realized I'm wearing my DNow 2011 shirt (hint: Living Water theme). When I began writing this blog post, I had no idea where I was taking this. Seems like He knew all along. :)
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