This is your life. Are you who you want to be?

I usually do not have the patience to write long blog posts such as this one, but I suddenly have the desire to do such. So if you're the type to not have the patience to read long blog posts...hope you have the desire to do such now.

I just woke up from a 30-minute afternoon nap which contained a very odd but symbolic dream. I dreamed that my friend and I rode an indoor roller coaster. Only, you know how most legit roller coasters have a safety bar or some sort of safety apparatus that holds you in the seat? In case of some deathly incident that may or may not occur? Well, this one in my dream did not have such a safety thing. It did have a small belt strap (the kind that are on the ends of backpack straps) that go across your waist. Annnd that's it.

I remember in the dream I had to listen to someone talk about some exhibit. So at first I thought it was not a roller coaster, but perhaps a small ride around an interactive exhibit. I did not know the person next to me, but I know in my head he was a friend. Once the exhibit man stopped talking, we were moving. Again, I didn't think it was a roller coaster...until we started moving in roller coaster-like movements. Let me stop you there to remind you of three things: 1) I enjoy roller coasters ONLY if they do not go upside down, 2) I enjoy roller coasters ONLY if I know I am on a roller coaster, and 3) I am hanging on for dear life onto this one-strap mini safety belt.

To my surprise, I am not freaking out. At least not on the outside. I am pretty calm and content, with the exception of the my-heart-just-skipped-a-beat feeling every time we go upside down. Even when we went through the parts I was not initially a fan of, I was okay. I did not fall out of the seat like gravity would predict when I went upside down. I just held onto the little strap and went with it. Then, it was over. We stopped, and I just looked around me. I was clearly shocked, maybe a little sad it was over so fast, but in the end I was happy I did it. Then, I woke up.

Or did I really? I'm no major dream analyst, but I think this dream was very significant considering events that have happened in my life...

Five years ago next month, I began college (sitting in the roller coaster for the very first time). I expected the unexpected. Media, friends, family, and more media/society told me what to expect. Stereotypes of the college life. But I honestly did not know what was going to happen (the loops/upside-downs of the roller coaster)...until it happened. To spare the details, college was a time of fabulous memories, ones that I'm not sure I'd really want if I knew what I was getting into. If someone told me from Day One of freshman year that I was going to be involved in the most amazing college ministry, go to New York for mission trips twice, find my best friends, pull all-nighters, become an RA, move every year, have a Master's Degree at age 22, change majors, take the GRE, take Praxis exams, and write nearly ten trees worth of papers, I do not think I could confidently say, "Let's do this!" No, I'm an optimistic-realist. Not an optimistic-optimist.

Who but God knew that I would endure those upside-down events in college? Those events include the day I bawled for the first time during my internship year due to feelings of being overwhelmed and not completing my goals to my personal standards, the day I got in a car accident and it was my fault, the day I found out my grandfather had lung cancer, and the MANY days I realized I cannot do anything without the strength of Christ.

So, now this roller coaster is over. The ride has stopped. The college chapter of my life anyway. To reiterate what I said while describing my dream, "I was clearly shocked, maybe a little sad it was over so fast, but in the end I was happy I did it. " Although it's technically been over for two months now, I'm just now realizing it. I have boxes upon boxes upon boxes of my stuff packed. My stuff and I are going to Murfreesboro on Monday. Yes, I've cried. Yes, I've had feelings of nostalgia creep in as I look through junk and thought "Take or Trash?" But I have to say I am becoming more and more excited every time I finish packing up a box. I am so happy because:
1) I am more certain than ever that this is what He has called me to do: teach and love on children.
2) This is a new beginning. A scary one, but new nonetheless.
3) I am proud of the roller coaster I was on in college. And I already feel myself getting into the seat of the next coaster.

So while I am typing this blog, a little Switchfoot song came into my heart. I've loved this song and its lyrics for a long time. And among the boxes of memories stacked in my apartment, I know that this life is truly what I wanted it to be.

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have

Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don’t close your eyes
This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

...And you had everything to lose

Source: piccsy.com via Duarte on Pinterest

For now, I am putting today's packing to rest and pumped about checking another one off my 101 list. Try and guess what it is!
HINT: Expecto Patronum :)